How To Know Which Wrestling Cult Is Right For You
Are you, like me, a joiner? Yes? Wanna hang out? Email me after this article. Anyway, if you’re looking for activities and a new circle of friends, a cult can be a great option for meeting new people. And a huge percentage of cults these days are led by charismatic professional wrestlers. So if you enjoy the exploits of “the squared circle” and are looking for a new group, one of these wrestling cults just might be right for you.
1. The Wyatt Family
A very popular wrestling cult, the Wyatt Family is perfect for people looking for traditional cult activities, like spending time outdoors on a farm, being around rocking chairs, and growing beards. This cult’s magical and charismatic leader, Bray Wyatt, draws his power from the immortal spirit of a dead witch named Sister Abigail—and he’s got a cute ‘lil fedora! They can teleport, too, so that’s nice! Now might not be the best time to join, as their leader has made a recent foray into entertainment. (But if we know cults—which we do—that means it’s likely only headed towards more success!)
2. Raven’s Flock
Do you like Alice In Chains and the works of author Neil Gaiman? Then tie your smelliest flannel around your waist and get ready to join the Flock! Leader Raven keeps the schedule light, mostly sitting around, looking vaguely disinterested, and occasionally commanding you to dog-pile attack a lower mid-carder from your ringside seat (one of the perks of joining).
3. The Straight Edge Society
Do you want all the exact same stuff I just described above about Raven’s Flock, but, like, punkier … and take away all drugs and alcohol? No? Nm.
4. The Ministry Of Darkness
After years of funeral directing, The Undertaker had something of a mid-death crisis and decided to start his own cult. If you crave inclusivity, this cult is nothing if not diverse, featuring a smorgasbord of demonic creatures ranging from blonde vampires, brawny shirtless acolytes, a naked hog farmer, and more! Ambitious cult members can even enroll in their corporate program!
If you liked this, you’ll probably ALSO like Never-Before-Heard And Completely Mundane Tales Of Andre The Giant.
Images: WWE
